Letters to a stranger 2...Cross Roads

Here I am again at the same cross road I was for a really long time and i had even began to convince myself that I had gone past it. But here I am again at the same spot I was a year ago.
The same spot thinking of moving on. But how can I?? How can I fight this battle?? How can I go to a war that the victor has already been decided even before the war begins. How do I convince myself that I have moved on from you.... Lool that's just crazy cause that would be like telling a deaf man that he is blind. 
Everyone keeps saying I should move on "G you're bigger than one girl" "why are you acting like a baby ?" they all keep saying. The manner in which I am to explain to them how much I have tried and failed severally at the task of moving on eludes me. 
But then again do I really want to move on?? I have grown so much in to you I feel like you are more than a part of me. Even when I was forming hard guy while you were keeping your distance from me, i still felt that void. 
How can I have fallen so much for you?? How is it possible that everyday I want to start up a chart with you but somehow I restrain myself for fear that I might just say how crazily I'm still in love with you or how foolish I am for always wanting to talk you. But still I can't keep away from you Jemima you are all I want.... This isn't me!!!!!! the real me is the hard guy but your smile alone crumbles my hard face... The sound of your voice saying "hello" every time I call soaks me deeper in this pool of love. I know I have wronged you and heaven knows how sorry I am if I could take it all back I would but that can never happen that's why I look ahead and just hope that maybe somehow you would give me another chance. But how?? How can you give me another chance when I have hurt you so deep? That's what my head keeps telling my heart but still I remain resolute that some how I am sure you still feel something for me. 
Today I had mustered up enough courage to tell you how I feel and prayed that the consequences of this action won't be as bad as I imagined. So I picked up my phone clicked on your name said hi you replied quiet well asked about your day you said you spent it with friends within I felt well this might just be my luck day cause you seemed quiet happy judging from your replies. Just when I decided to say what was on my mind you said you were going to bed. How cruel can fate be...... So here I am again at the same cross road wondering what to do. I still love you Jemima but convincing you that I sincerely do and getting you and I back to our previous 'us' status still remains a mystery. The question here is how??